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DAY SEVEN

Question: Is your alarm set?

Answer: My alarm is always set. I never turn it off. I always turn the sound off sure, but my alarm is always on. It annoys my girlfriend sometimes in a middle of a good sleep. She'll hear the buzzing of my vibrating phone as it goes off at five in the morning. [the usual time I have it set so I can get up for work.] Sometimes she'll mention it to me. But she's given up now cause I usually just laugh and tell her what it is. I think she's got the picture.

Anytime my girlfriend and I discuss our parents and our irrational behaviour towards them, [I yell at my parents all the time, usually it takes them a few times to ask me a question before I get annoyed and yell. She'll deny it but I see her flip out every time her parents ask a question they've clearly forgotten the answer to. Although, her father does it sometimes when I'm around because we like doing that to her. Its our thing.] it usually comes down to no matter what, we love our parents. I usually end up saying I only love my mother but she always argues otherwise that I love my father too. Truth is, we have a love-hate relationship with our lives right now. I'll try to explain as best as I can.

My father is a man who has gotten me interested in a lot of things. I mean, between him and my brother, they make up my interests split between the two. So in reality, I have about three interest groups. Two split between family, one where I make decisions on my own. [Being the need to write being one of mine.] My dad has gotten me in to things like wrestling and camping. My brother is my music and style in clothes. But beyond that, I make up my own likes and dislikes without any influence whats so ever. But the main thing is my father getting me interested in to certain things and one of them is a huge thing being wrestling. I have always been a fan of the sport, professional or amateur. And on certain nights of discussion or watching Sports Entertainment on television, we have our moments of father-son bonding. Like tonight being of interest. We couldn't wait to see who would host Wrestlemania 27. We were anticipating and watching this entire night together because we wanted to know. It was a night we both jumped around like a bunch of little middle school girls over Justin Bieber. When we saw the Rock come out on to that ramp, boy were we excited. And thats just the type of moments we have together. These are our times that make me love him.

And then, there are the bad times where I claim to hate him and yet my girlfriend seems to keep trying to push them away from my train of thought. The picture above is just one of the many examples of our bad times together. That picture was taken at the Blink 182 Summer Tour during their reunion. That night was supposed to be the best night of my life. And in all fairness, it was as close to perfect as could be. The only thing that really ruined it, and also ruined my experience at that movie 3:10 Train To Yuma and at the RAW Wrestling event held here in Calgary... as well as the Stampede Wrestling and various other activies we've gone to, is his acoholism. Yes, I know this is a very personal manner and I won't go in to grave detail. The most people really need to know his he is an alcoholic in denial. When he finally admitted to it, he stopped for a bit but fell off the wagon and pretty much denies ever admitting to it. Its a sad tale really and its really the reason you won't see pictures like the ones above anymore because I refuse to go anywhere in public with him.

Its kind of sad really. I mean like I said. There are things my father and I do that makes me love him and love the moments we spend with each other. I know I won't get another father and I'm not asking for another one. But there are things that make me hate him just as much as he hated his father. And in a way, I feel bad for him really. I just have to hope something will come of this. I remember the days when all he would do is have a few beers, smoke a couple of joints and play Tiger Woods Golf on the Playstation in the basement. But now its not even beer anymore. *Sigh*. I miss my childhood. Sorry for the depressing sounding blog today. Just something that's been on my mind. Figure I'd share it with you.

-- Too Much Thought